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Thursday, December 24th, 2009

let it breathe

Time:11:10 pm.
we're engaged!!!!

n i love my ring, cuz brock picked it himself!

Monday, December 7th, 2009

1 let it breathe

Time:6:34 pm.
Mood: amused.
tomorrow is brock n my 3 year!!!

i had to come on here n double check dates, cuz we're that retarded n didnt know if it was our 3rd or 4th year together.
oh well, you know what they say, the couple thats dumb as bricks together stays together!! or ya kno, somethin like that.

i love my baby!!! :P

Saturday, October 3rd, 2009

let it breathe

Subject:ole.
Time:3:13 pm.
Mood: sicky.
we got a new computer desk n chair n theyre so cute n comfy! im gunna use the computer a million times a day now. ohh n we gotta new kepyboard n mouse too n its super duper awesome. haha steve keyboardmouse. pfff.

last night we went to shanes and theyre were freshmen in high school there... lame.

i finally got to buy some new clothes this week which has way too big of an effect on my mood, but at least it made me really happy!

we had a meeting on thursday and it made me feel really stupid and i need to take some classes whether im in the dental hygiene program or not bcuz im forgetting everything i learned and turning back into a retard face.

this morning was lindas burial.. or wall entering or whatever, i hate seeing grandpa cry. but, she lived a really full life, prob more than most peope, and she was 85, so we cant be that upset about it. we went out to lunch after with my aunt barbara n uncle paul n anthony. it was kinda fun, and delicious.

my intestines are all fucked up, n its not pleasant. im gunna convince brock to go for a walk with molly now...

Tuesday, September 15th, 2009

2 let it breathe

Time:5:57 pm.
Mood: worried.
so we talked to a criminal attorney today, brock might hafta serve jail time... n his lawyer fees are $1800.

if brock has to go to jail, we're breaking up, i already told him.

it's crazy that THIS is more severe or whatever than his DWI.... and it'll probably be more time consuming, and more expensive.

why did he do it. why is he mentally unstable...

life is so ridiculous.

Saturday, August 29th, 2009

1 let it breathe

Subject:on the gooood ship, lollipop
Time:3:52 pm.
Mood: thankful.


I'm still tired even tho i just woke up n its four.... workin first shift is hard to get the hang of.
I'm super happy i passed my drug test... cuz its what I "wanted" n it worked out so at least
i can be happy something went the way i hoped it would. airsep is the same as always, lame.
its a little worse this time bcuz i dont have any cool peeps to work with, but its also a little
better this time cuz at least the hours are like... time that i would normally spend sleeping or
doing nothing so im not missing out on anything. its not been easy tryin to get used to workin
with brock again, its almost as if he doesnt wanna work with me suddenly, even tho he's the
one who got me a job. like, breaks are okay, but the minute we get outta work he's an asshole to
me, about something... and i still hafta clean up after him and do all the laundry even tho im
working harder than him now? idk its fucked. but life is so full of disappointments, like i 
wish there was a word for fuller than full i could use, so i better get used to it finally.
megans birthday party was a good time for the most part, but i think thats gunna be the
most exciting thing we do this weekend. cabin... probably not. i guess we'll spend some
quality family time with molly. :) 

im really really grateful for what brock and i have... im startin to think the two of us
are a rare breed...

 


Monday, August 24th, 2009

1 let it breathe

Subject:brockleton's 24
Time:12:21 pm.
Mood: cheerful.
brocks 24 today!! yay jack bauer.
im baking him a cake right now!! yellow cake with chocolate frosting, a 2 layer round cake, n im gunna decorate it with M&Ms. cute!

brock was sad last night cuz he wanted shane to come over n play beer pong,
n shane said he didnt have gas in his car and brock was like thats funny since
he said he'd have tons of loot for gas n shit if we went to nyc.... i dunno if he didnt
realize todays brocks birthday n it was kinda his little bday celebration cuz if i start
at airsep tomorrow we arent gunna be stayin up too late tonight or drinking really.
im gunna make dinner here, steak n mashed potatoes n corn on the cob n grilled
zucchini yum yum, and then we'll probably go out for drinks with sarah, or at least
go hang out with her.
we went to the cabin this weekend. since we saved the money we were gunna spend
on a hotel in ny, we bought new bikes! im so excited, theyre pretty awesome even tho
theyre cheap ass from wal mart. n we went on a ride "around the block" which is like
 2 miles up hill the whole time, at least it seems like it. it was grueling. i thought i was
gunna pass out or something. it was weird cuz i thought id be in better shape than when
i used to do it, but im definitely not. n my booty still hurts from it!

im gunna go catch a bus to rite aid so i can get brock a card n some new razors,
pretty exciting birthday gift, huh? 

Tuesday, August 18th, 2009

3 let it breathe

Time:2:32 pm.
Mood: curious.
Genesis 1:29. The New American Standard Translation.
Then God said, "Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the surface of all the earth, and every tree which has fruit yielding seed; it shall be food for you."

sooo.... smoking pot is okay with God then, right?

let it breathe

Time:11:55 am.
Mood: anxious.
geez, ive never had so much shit going on... just like,
one thing after another. as soon as one problem is pretty
much over with, not even solved really just like ive
accepted it or whatever, theres another obstacle. but,
all i can do is try to be as not crazy as possible while
dealing with it, or waiting for it to pass. cuz apparently
my purpose in life is already chosen and i just gotta let
it pan out. n im trying, im reeeaaaaally trying.

Friday, August 14th, 2009

let it breathe

Subject:cmon get happy
Time:1:07 pm.
Mood: optimistic.
brock, molly and i went to lake ontario yesterday and it was the
best. it was such a pretty day, and there were a buncha sail boats
out n they looked really pretty, (and also made me jealous cuz i
wanna boat!) n there was this one area that was kinda blocked in
so we were able to let molly off her leash to run laps lol. we just
hung out we didnt really get to go onto the actual beach bcuz it was
closed n really scummy looking anyway. but we did find some cool places
around that you could check out so that was fun, since were used to goin
in the middle of winter at night. it was crazy to see all that during the
day, much more exciting. we went to the spot we usually go in the
winter n it reminded me of building a fire there n partyin there mad
long ago which were fun times. n were gunna go to a wine tasting
near there cuz were actually both old enuf to and i remember
always passing the signs n wishing i could go.

we found out today that verizons been charging an extra $16/month
for internet service on my piece of shit phone... and we def
didnt ever ask for that in our plan so im heated n they wouldnt
even adjust the bill so apparently they can just charge u for whatever
the eff they want. suckas. fuckin best network my ass.

im trying to not be a depresso everyday of my life cuz crying is
exhausting. n i guess ill just not worry about not having a job,
or anything to do right now because its not helping the situation
to flip out all the time. and everyone gets pissed at me.

cabin this weekend, fun times. n we might do the fair too....

Wednesday, August 12th, 2009

1 let it breathe

Subject:complaining, cont'd.
Time:2:05 pm.
Mood: discontent.
god, my mom is one lazy, scummy bitch...
i feel bad for always blaming the messy house on my sisters,
cuz theyre long gone but the shit ton of mess and trashiness remains.
i know my grandma kept a clean house even with 5 kids, so im wondering
where my mom got this lack of cleanliness from. and, as someone whos
insanely obsessed with cleanliness in an ocd type of way, it really,
really, really drives me crazy, like more than i would ever imagine.
id rather live in greg's tiny old studio then hafta live with this mess.
my mom knew she was going away for a week, but instead of trying to get
shit together n in order or whatever she left a fuckin sink full of dishes
and a buncha shit laying around for me to fuckin deal with. cuz she knows
im insane and i cant help but not clean it... blah.

im so bored and i just wanna be able to go to school. so bad.
it sucks how much worse the registration and bull shit parts
of school are so much more stressful and a pain in the ass than
the actual classes n school work itself. deaaaaaath.


i miss brock. always.

Monday, August 10th, 2009

2 let it breathe

Time:12:39 pm.
i really hate everyone and everything.
i hate my life, thats never gunna change.
i wish i didnt have family, or brock, or anyone
around so i could kill myself and not hafta worry
about how its gunna affect other people....

Thursday, August 6th, 2009

let it breathe

Subject:my life peaked at birth and now its all down hill...
Time:3:19 pm.
Mood: crushed.
so im not gunna be in dental hygiene school this year....
according to my mom im "giving up" by not going to the
school and bitching my way in, as if that would work. cuz ya
kno, i didnt try at all or anything.

im trying to get a job back at airsep for this year,
even if i hated it sometimes at least im familiar with
it and i do love working with brock and being with him
as much as possible, and this is probably, or hopefully,
the last opportunity we'll have to work together again.

i really hope i get a job at airsep.
and i hope brock gets his promotion he's applying for.
SOMETHING has to go right for us eventually, right?

Tuesday, July 21st, 2009

let it breathe

Time:1:40 pm.
Happy Birthday Heather!!!


I'm really regretting not taking another summer course, cuz im sososososo bored everyday... i just sit around n miss brock n its lame. n its not even like im relaxed
or anything, i feel like im more stressed out then when im in school, cuz i have more
time to think n drive myself nuts.

boohoo.

Wednesday, July 15th, 2009

let it breathe

Subject::)
Time:12:59 am.
Mood: happy/drunkish.
brock, molly n i went to emery park today!
i remember goin there with my sisters n
parents n also jess's fam a couple times
n the big elephant slide (which was
no longer there) and searchin thru rocks
n old logs for mud puppies which we found
a lot of... n of course when i cut my
head open on a picnic table ther n was
bleedin all over.
but we had the best time ever, it was so
much better than i even remembered, there
were awesome trails thru all the woods,
but like not just straight lame trails like
hardcore trails n it was awesome, altho we
realized apple smirnoff tastes like
play-do lol.... but molly had so much fun n was
chasin like wooden vines hangin from
trees that she couldnt reach n brock was
swingin on em... then on the way out brock
was like "hold on" n ran out to these big
swings n i was like fuck holdin on n i
followed him n we were swinging mad high n
it was so fun but then molly jumped outta the
car window n ran at us n was jumpin all over us
n bitin us sorta while we were swingin so she
ruined it! but it was a really awesome time!

i also hung out w heather n megan today which
was fun. I think the three of us are much closer than
most siblings and i love that n i think
we all own cuz of it!!! lol aright.

LiveJournal for Amanda.

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You're looking at the latest 14 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 14 entries.